so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So many bounce houses so little time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
