So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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