people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
