It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize