is wine microwaveable?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
