There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
