He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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