I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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