Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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