Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
