I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize