you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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