this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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