i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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