pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
