I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
