we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize