I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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