Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
FUCK WHALES
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
