My friends, they love my intelligence
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
