I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
