Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
