soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
