this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she told me i tasted like america
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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