did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize