I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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