hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This gyro tastes like lonliness
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
