booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
