So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She told me I should be a condom model.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drake has all the answers
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
