Redeem this text for a blowjob
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
