sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
