I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
