"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
