i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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