you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
