ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize