i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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