I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
