You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize