I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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