1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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