Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
