She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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