I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
