I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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