i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
