member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
