My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
