Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize