I'm really into asian looking animals
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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