And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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