I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize