This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
