I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize