just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
