you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
