today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
