Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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