Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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