Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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