I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
