Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
