I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
