My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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