The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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