Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
