He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
