i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize