Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
