someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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