i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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