Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
