I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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