I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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