It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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