Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
