I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
