I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize