After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize