those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
