I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
