so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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