i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
