It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
