oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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