you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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