Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm always down for nudity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize