worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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