textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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