I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
