Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I could make wine with my vomit
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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