I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
