Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize