This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
