Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
