I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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