the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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