I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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