Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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