Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
